There are two ways to ruin a relationship. One is by being too honest; the other is by being too dishonest. We all know how overtly lying to people can get us into trouble. But today we will focus on how telling the truth might actually work to ruin a relationship.
How would honesty ruin a relationship? Don’t people want to know the truth?
Yes, people want to know the truth. But most people today have egos. What is an ego?
An ego is self-esteem: how much people value their own beliefs and values. But it is also how much people value their egos! Thus, it is an infinite regression. It’s how much people value how much people value how much people value themselves.
If you criticize someone, and if you criticize them too harshly, then you may cause them to question how wise they really are.
What’s wrong with that? Why shouldn’t people question how wise they really are?
The problem is that the ego becomes a tool that helps people to remember the meaning and purpose of life, so that they are wise. People use tools to help them remember the meaning and purpose of life. These tools are called “art.” The ego is an imaginary work of art that serves as a tool to help people remember the meaning and purpose of their lives.
Unless you are totally wise, and unless you don’t need art to get to the truth, you probably have an ego: this idea of how wise you are. And you probably would go to great lengths to protect and defend it.
When people feel that their egos are under attack, they will try to defend them. It’s the way of the world. When you make someone feel foolish, they are no longer interested in having anything to do with you. I have seen it time, and time, and time again. It’s the same old story for geniuses who are significantly wiser than other people. Time and time and time again, the genius clashes with the normal person, thereby scratching the normal person’s ego.
So what do we do about it? How do we navigate through a world of egomaniacs who will reject you, or be malicious towards you, because you threaten their egos?
The answer is that you must be careful not to threaten people’s egos. It’s okay to criticize people, but there is a line that you are not allowed to cross.
One of the best ways to ruin a relationship is to just be honest. And that honesty will wreak havoc and devastation across the fruited plain. That is, if the other person is sufficiently egomaniacal, and you are sufficiently critical of that other person.
With me, I don’t intend to wreak any havoc in any of my relationships. It just naturally happens, when it happens. I don’t intend to “hurt” people with my honesty; I just wind up “hurting” them.
But am I actually hurting them? Am I really subtracting from their wisdom? Or am I adding to it?
That depends on the person. But if you just learn to be kind and not be too harsh on people, then they will stick around. And the more that they stick around, the more that they can learn from you, and the more that they can tolerate your honesty, because the more that they agree with you.
Wise man, take note. Though kindness means nothing to us, because we do not require kindness from human interaction – only honesty – kindness is necessary when interacting with other people.
On a related note, the person with “Asperger Syndrome” is the one whose intelligence and wisdom is so excellent that his honesty would often make normal people feel bad. And so, to protect their egos, normal people would call us “mentally disordered,” and that would help them feel better about themselves. They are sadistic. They strive to find any chink in our armor, and stab their malicious knives right into us. I know. But we still want to lead these people down the right path. So it is important to follow this golden rule of human interaction:
Be honest, but don’t be so honest that your honesty will result in the burning of bridges. Of course, it wouldn’t be we who burn the bridge. It would be they. But in order to maintain friendships with these people, it is important to put kindness over honesty. And eventually, they will not need to be criticized and rebuked, thus treated “unkindly,” because they will be as wise as us.
Kindness over honesty, until kindness isn’t necessary. That’s the lesson of the day.